Dear Almost,
I thought my heart was brave enough to love you, figured out, it was stronger than I thought it was. You were so kind, light-hearted, generous, faultless, selfless but full of fear. But I loved you anyway. All my adventures with you were WHAT IFS and I never found a way out because somehow, I never wanted a way out. I got blinded by the fact that you were taken. Never even mind of my values that got shaken. I valued you too much I forgot I was God’s treasure too. I was pretty much a gem when we met, but I feel like an ordinary rock right now knowing I can’t even won you.
I have to come clean about this, I knew from the very beginning, and all of this is my fault. I’m so sorry. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. One day when you will have the balls to tell her, please tell her I’m so sorry as well. She wont forgive me but atleast she has you. Please love her with all your heart, this time, commit that you will. It may be long before I might see someone again. The pain is immeasurable. The possiblity of having the eyes for anyone would take me a lifetime to gain. This isn’t you. You didn’t cause this. I put this all by myself; by all means and I dragged you to it.
I can never give you back the lost times and doubt that you must’ve given her. All I can do is say sorry to her and you.
But most of all, I wanna thank you. You gave me so much to remember that when I close my eyes, I can still hear my heart shatter to pieces like a solid glass running down the stairs. I break easily and you of all should know that. I gave more than what I can only bargain and you had me on almost everything. To lose you (someone I never even had) was the cruelest thing my mind can ever possibly do. But say no more, you made me realize something even more.
You taught me to let go when things ran smoothly, thank you for biking with me. You taught me to have faith and trust a little just like a genie in a bottle. and most importantly, instead of being arrogant, my head bows down for forgiveness and acceptance that even a slightest of chance; there was never and never there will be an US.
Thank you for sharing your time with me. I treasure memories, right now they are filled with yours. But one day, they wont be. I am still praying for that.
P.S.
This will be the last time I’m gonna write to you and to write poems about you.Thank you for making me feel loved is such a short period of infinity. We could never pull this off anyway. I wont change, but I know you will.. 🙂
I was yours.
Truly.
